It’s taken me over 20 minutes to realize that this is one blog post that doesn’t deserve a title. I couldn’t make a decision on how strong to be, so I didn’t make a decision at all. Seems to be all the rage these days.
In the past 243 days, I have gone through what some would call a transformation. It’s been a challenging ride that promises to only get worse. Or better. It depends on how you look at it. I really don’t want to get into it now. Trust me, I’ll tell you all about it in my following posts. I’ll tell you so much that you’ll once again remove the “favorite” you just replaced in your browser’s favorites list.
Here’s what I am going to do…I am going to start writing in this blog again. I came up with the idea this morning and can honestly say that I have been excited since. I bet you are wondering why I ever stopped in the first place. It’s not like me to just give up on something.
The purpose of this blog is for me to express myself. It’s a basic monologue. I don’t expect for readers to chime in, but it’s nice when they do. It’s also nice to know that I have a handful of followers. The handful of followers and my simple selfishness is what has kept me writing for all these years. It’s what kept me standing in the shower far longer than I should have, trying to piece together that final sentence. It’s what motivated me to bring my camera with me everywhere I went. It’s what kept my mind churning while mowing the lawn and weeding the garden.
Without that handful of followers, I am not much of a writer.
There came a point on this blog where I began writing without a purpose. My posts became shallow and not very educational, entertaining and not much fun to write. I became concerned that I was going to tick someone in our overly-sensitive society off, so I wrote about trivial subjects, such as planting grass, going for walks and where we had dinner. I started writing and then reading my posts. I would re-read them to be sure that I hadn’t written something that may offend someone in the 9,493 subgroups we have trolling around this great nation. If I wrote something about dogs, cats could possibly take offense. If I wrote something about cats…well, you get the idea. The point is that I felt like I was cramped. This blog gets a decent amount of traffic and I know that 99.9% of you are good down to earth people who don’t care what I write one way or another. It’s that .1% that creates all the trouble.
I needed a creative exit and thought a new blog was the answer. And it is, but it didn’t work out the way I thought it would. I have written over 225 posts since I left this blog. I have written a good number of guest essays, articles and heated comment exchanges as well. The problem is that writing for an anonymous audience is certainly not nearly as rewarding as writing for an audience that may quite possibly include individuals who have spoken to me, hugged me, fought with me or have seen me at my lowest. The anonymous blog I have been writing for is much more structured and completely misses who I am.
So who am I? That’s easy – I am the devil’s advocate. I was born to argue for the sake of arguing. I was born to seek out and enjoy passion. I was born to wonder and live a miserable life if I found there was nothing left to wonder about. I was born to find romance, let it fade once I found it and then ignite it once again if I felt that it was threatened. I am an internal riddle…someone who has no idea what I like, what I might like and what I should like. I peek around every corner hoping there is something different than where I currently stand. I am a late bloomer. I am a recovering business major who has recently realized the uselessness of my education. But mostly, as I said above, I am a late bloomer who has asked the question, “Where the heck have I been?” numerous times in the past year. I’ll explain all that in my later posts.
So here’s the deal. I welcome you back, if you’ll have me. I am going to pretend that I am an anonymous soul writing for some close friends who understand what ails me. I have so many things to share with you that I truly don’t know where to begin. It’s going to be a bit different though. Gone are the days of looking five feet in front of me and telling people about what’s there. Here are the days of looking beyond what I see. Here are the days of analyzing what’s really happening and what really exists. Here are the days of empiricism. If I could delete all of my previous posts without making this blog utterly useless, I would. I think it’s going to be more about quality than quantity, but I’m sure I’ll slip a few grass seed posts in along the way.
There has been something that has been on my mind for a long time. I am sure I’ll tell you about it in my usual long winded fashion one of these days, but for now I’ll leave you with a video. It’s a video about something I should have done a long time ago and about something that I still have to do. It’s about a gift one of my relatives gave me years ago and the gift I am going to give my younger relatives. I know they are new to this world and haven’t the slightest motivation to listen, but they still need to be told. Anyway, here is a sneak peak.