Men Who Wear Crocs

A few weeks ago, I had a little problem. I don’t have it anymore because I solved it, but up until a few weeks ago, it was driving me crazy.

I like to wear slippers. No, not the big fuzzy ones that have stuffed animals attached to the fronts, but regular old, plain Jane slippers. The type you’d see on an old man walking around a nursing home. I’ve worn my fair share too. Probably about three or four pairs since I began my slipper campaign in earnest. Before that, I walked around with bare feet and complained that I was cold all the time.

Starting a couple of years ago, Amazon has been my choice venue for slipper purchases. It sure beat walking through the shoe department of Wal-Mart trying to find something that wouldn’t make me want to cry. And finding the right size in a store like that? Shuffling through the open boxes overflowing with unwrapped tissue paper? I don’t think so. I did that once and forced with experiencing that again, I’d rather go barefoot.

If you’ve ever worn slippers, you know the whole ordeal can be challenging. If you forget, or just don’t want to, wear socks, you end up with swamp foot. Or otherwise more affectionately known as “Jungle Rot.” Look it up. You know what I’m talking about.

I guess what I’m saying here, and I’m really trying hard to hold back, is that after a while, slippers get pretty disgusting. A few times of going barefoot in those suckers and they’re done. No matter how many times you try to bleach them in the washing machine. It’s funny how the once furry and soft bottoms can’t quite seem to rebound after a few weeks or months – no matter what you do to them.

Since I’m an idea man, I decided to start thinking of ways to solve my issue. I first eliminated the slipper in its entirety. After all the pairs I’ve been through, and to no avail, I felt it was time to move on. But I also needed something to replace it. Since the fabric bottoms of the slippers were the main culprits, I knew I needed to go with some sort of a rubberized sole. Sandals, flip-flops and that sort of thing seemed the most reasonable.

A few weeks ago, Laura started talking about getting a pair of Crocs. You know what Crocs are and if you don’t, just do a quick search. Or, just walk into any middle school in America and look at the feet of the students who attend. You’ll quickly learn of what I’m talking about here.

Anyway, the reason that Laura had brought up the idea of wearing Crocs was because her own sandals had decided to bite the dust. I tried to save them once with “Shoe-Goo” but they were in worse shape than either of us were aware. The day I picked them up off the floor and tossed them in the garbage was the same day we both made orders for two pairs of Crocs.

By the way, during your search to learn about Crocs, you can also learn about their benefits. Mighty comfortable they are.

I received mine before she received hers. I felt horrible about wearing my sweet pair of indoor/outdoor shoes in front of her as she walked around with sneakers or no shoes at all. It wasn’t my fault though – Amazon had what I wanted, but only Crocs.com had something for her. Amazon’s shipping was fast, Crocs.com’s wasn’t.

She did eventually receive hers though. And ever since, we’ve been as happy as pearls in a clam. We can now easily walk around pretty much anywhere we want without trading shoes. Take a walk up the road? Covered. Pass through a gym shower? Covered. Go for a stroll on the beach? Covered. I think you get the idea here. They’re extremely versatile.

Things have been pretty good since I started wearing my Crocs. The first time I slid my feet into them I was amazed at how natural they felt. What people had said in the reviews was true. Crocs are remarkable. They’re light and the way the foot sits inside makes you feel like you aren’t wearing anything at all. As I said, things were good…until I wanted to run out to the food store to pick up a few things.

“I’ll be right back. I’m going to head out to grab some bagels and eggs.”

“When are you going?”

“Right now – you need anything?”

“In those shoes?”

“Why? What’s the matter with wearing these?”

As I was standing there in the kitchen, it hit me. I had a passing thought of walking through the doors of the grocery store and having people look at me. Especially the kids. For some reason I thought the kids would look at my shoes and give their mothers a slight nudge with the elbow.

“Hey ma, look what that guy is wearing. CROCS!!!”

It sort of reminded me of those dreams we all have of sitting in class in elementary school in our pajamas.

I thought about it for a second or two and slowly asked, “Hey, do dudes wear these things?”

She responded that she didn’t know but we both agreed that until we found out more, I shouldn’t risk wearing them out in public. I want to though and that’s going to be a problem.

I did some research last night. I searched Google for things like, “Do men wear Crocs?” and “Men who wear Crocs.” My findings weren’t all too positive.

From what I can gather, if I decided to wear my Crocs in front of a 7th grade girl, she might think I was treading on her turf. She would most definitely be wearing a pair of her own. It would be like two girls wearing the same dress to the prom.

Now, if I were to do the same thing in front of a 7th grade boy, he’d give me the finger. Boys don’t wear them. Boys who dress themselves anyway. They also don’t appreciate those who do.

If I were to head into a high school lunchroom wearing my Crocs, no one would think I was “amusing” for pulling what I was trying to pull. There comes a time in everyone’s life when they reject Crocs altogether. But lucky for me, that time passes.

Now, from what I learned last night, people’s temperament for Crocs mellows out as they get older. As adults have come to find value in sneakers with Velcro instead of shoelaces and dungarees that tighten around the waist by taking advantage of elastic instead of a belt, they’ve also found value in Crocs. I read stories written by women who swear up and down that Crocs have saved their husband’s feet. Women who work in industry who wear Crocs all day long. Women who stand for hours on end have been saved by the mere thought of wearing Crocs.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that, from what I learned last night, as one gets older, they mind less about what a 7th grader or a 12th grader thinks of what they’re wearing on their feet. They go for comfort and utility as opposed to fashion. I suppose I fall into the latter group because I haven’t cared about what I look like for years. Now, don’t get me wrong, I look good, but that’s nature’s doing, not my own.

I do want to mention on thing though. There are rather rabid elements out there who will never rise to the level of wearing what they may come to love. For them, their robust appearance trumps all. And what I’m talking about here is in reference to a blog post I read last night that…well, you should read it for yourself. It’s hilarious and I think you’ll have a good time. It’s called, “Crocs and Clogs” and was posted on “To Every Man A Manswer (which is now defunct).”

I have yet to wear my Crocs outside past the mailbox, but I want to. And I plan to. Just as soon as I see another guy out there wearing the same thing. It shouldn’t be too difficult to find though. Where I’m currently stationed…yeah, we’ve got dudes who wear Crocs.