How Long Does It Take To Turn Into A Herb?

I am going to tell you a short story. Okay? Okay.

The other day, my lady decided that it would be a good idea to clean out a closet that she had claimed a long time ago. She made it hers way back when we first moved into this place. It happens to be the largest closet upstairs. I was getting on her case about how she stole the closet before I even had a chance to say anything about it. She shut me up by reminding me of all the closet space in the basement that I am currently using for…you know…my garbage cans and wood pellets.

Anyway, as she was cleaning out the closet, she came across a sweatshirt that happened to be sized XL. That’s my size. She asked me if I wanted it and I said, “Not a chance. Look at that thing.” Then, I touched it and noticed that the material was actually pretty thick, like one of those heavyweight Champion sweatshirts. After that, I said, “Okay, you can put it over there.” Since that day (just a few days ago), I have worn the sweatshirt all over the place. I have worn it to Jiu Jitsu practice, worn it walking and I have worn it to bed.

The first time I put it on, I was alone. I looked in the mirror and put my face into my hand. It looked so nerdy. I didn’t care. I walked out of the room to find the nice girl who gave me the shirt. When I found her, she gave me a little smile. She knew what I was thinking. I looked her straight in the eyes and said, “You know, there are only a few times left where I can come up to you and say that what I am wearing looks really geeky and get away with still wearing it. After that, I become that guy.” I continued, “Also, there are only a few times left where I can say, Hey, at least I am aware of it.” I think we all know who “that guy” is. It’s the dude in the restaurant who decides to go to the bathroom, is gone for a while and then comes back to the table with his pants looking all tight pulled halfway up his chest. You know, that guy.

During our walk today, I said that I was going to write about this. I started talking about how people change as they get older. I think what’s most interesting is how fashion becomes less important and utility and feel become more important. We wear what works well and if it doesn’t…well, that’s just plain stupid. I’m not sure if it’s depressing or funny.

Is this normal? Am I the only person who is making different decisions…decisions that are funnier looking…decisions that are kind of embarrassing but feel so good (slippers)?

I will admit that I am very aware of what’s happening. It’s been going on for a few years now. I guess that’s the way it works. All these little steps creep up on you until one day you look in the mirror and say, “Oh jeez, what the hell happened?”