Jay Gaulard Blog

By Paul on Sep 29, 2006 | Reply

That’s good advice, but what if your neighbor is a total A$$hat? What if you suspect that they are burying toxic waste in the back yard? What if they are holding loud raucous parties late on weekday nights? What if they are shooting off huge fire works and may burn down the neighorhood? Sometimes being Ghandi is fine, other times a more Schwartzkpof like attitude is needed, preferably before you snap.

By gaulardcom on Sep 29, 2006 | Reply

I hear you loud and clear my aggressive friend. Perhaps I can explain my point of view this way: When I was growing up, there was one family that we (my friends and I) really hated. I have no memory of why we hated them. Someone must have done something. We were hell to them. We were loud and obnoxious…the worst nightmare you could imagine. They would do things to get back at us and we would do things 20 times worse to get back at them.

Years later, they joined as members to the gym I worked at. They were very polite and we dicussed what the heck went on back in the day. I apologized and everything was fine. We actually became good friends.

The only reason this happened is probably because I grew up a little bit, but thinking back, if they had come over and had spoken to my parents and were as nice as pie to me, they would’ve sucked out all my ammo. I would’ve had no choice but to respond kindly to them.

All I am saying is to talk to people before you buy a tank or call the cops.

By Maybelline on Oct 13, 2006 | Reply

You’re a wuss. Bad neighbors deserve some Liquid Ass.

http://www.liquidass.com

By gaulardcom on Oct 13, 2006 | Reply

Well said.

By Macon on Nov 10, 2006 | Reply

I think you’re forgetting that many people do try to resolve their conflicts with their neighbors politely as possible. Most people I know try to give their neighbors the benefit of the doubt, at least at first. No one enjoys hostile conflicts. Most of the stories I’ve read on the Net, say something like, “I went over and tried to discuss my concerns, but he ignored me.”
The majority of people will not call in the authorities unless they have been provoked to the snapping point. Since we were kids, we’ve been conditioned to deal with our poblems on our own and not be a “tattletale.”
Unless the nuisance happens consistently and is unbearable, many people simply try to find ways to accommodate it.

By Catherine on Dec 24, 2006 | Reply

I have tried to resolve conflicts with 3 sets of my neighbors - 2 of which are older than I and the other younger. The old English couple next door have been offensive, rude, and abusive to me if I call attention to something they are doing which is illegal and bothering me. The other older neighbors who are grandparents had their grandchildren screaming around their yard next door from 10 am til 7 pm, 7 nights per week, all summer one year. When I invited friends over to sit on my balcony, which has a lovely view of the ocean, each one in turn commented, “How can you stand those kids screaming?” I couldn’t use my balcony. Finally, I got up my nerve and began an over-the-fence conversation with my neighbor - who I have always liked - using all the courtesy I could muster after weeks on tranquillizers and on the verge of pulling my hair out, and told him, in a friendly manner, that the noise his 2- and 4-year old grandchildren made every day was, frankly, driving me crazy. He turned cold and said to me, “I don’t want to talk about it” and left. The kids kept it up and I called the police. Then I called the child welfare authorities. Hey, I could hear the kids scream, their mom chastise them, and then her smacking their bottoms CLEARLY from inside my house! They are an extremely vociferous family. Anyway, all that sort of worked but it made my neighbor angry. Finally, I was out pruning a hedge one day and the kids were running all over the yard next door, screaming at the top of their lungs - a series of long, drawn out screams - as usual - when I started screaming at the top of my lungs too. Here I am, up on a ladder at the top of a laurel hedge, screaming my guts out! Talk about therapeutic! Suddenly, I heard this voice, “Gale, are you alright?” It was the kids’ mom, sounding very concerned. She thought maybe I had cut my arm off with the pruning shears. I looked at her, totally relieved to see the look of genuine concern on her face, and said, “Now you know what it feels like.” With a look of compassion, she apologized. The kids were much quieter after that and now when they visit, they rarely make any noise. The other younger neighbors used to walk by and drive by and shout abusive comments at me, for no reason. Later it was in the local newspaper that one of them was arrested for possession of a firearm for the purpose of committing a crime and their best friend was arrested for physically assaulting a cab driver and damaging the cab in an angry outburst. I suffered two years of daily ongoing abuse from these bullies with no help from the police. The police said they had to be present at my house while I wrote a letter of complaint outlining all the incidents perpetrated against me by these young morons. It took me 2.5 hours to write it out by hand. Being a softie DOES NOT WORK. You have to be proactive with bad neighbors. Sadly, there is no other way. This younger generation is, in general and for the most part, a generation raised with no discipline or religion and very little moral guidance. Busy parents leave the parenting to teachers. Most parents are not very good parents and only care about spoiling their children, not teaching their children to be good citizens and courteous and kind to other people. This era of youngsters is an era that was raised to be wary of strangers, not to talk to adults, to be frightened of adults and, as a result, they treat adults with disrespect. My era was raised to be courteous to strangers, to treat adults and others with respect. Society is devolving. It’s the fault of today’s parents.

By Catherine on Dec 24, 2006 | Reply

PS - My city developed a “Good Neighbor Bylaw” which covers all kinds of annoyances between neighbors which reduce your enjoyment of your property and aren’t covered by other bylaws. For example, your neighbor has a bright exterior light which is left on and shines into your house at night. Bylaw officers attend - not the police. It works!

One thing I found is that, if a kid screams at the top of its lungs all day long creating a disturbance, the police say well, it’s a kid. If an adult does it, they can be charged with creating a disturbance. That is, legally, discrimination. Are parents raising human beings, or animals these days?

By Magggie McFarland on Jan 4, 2007 | Reply

We are in an upscale coastal community (Corona del Mar, CA.) Our neighbor has complained virtuallly every time our son and his friends go out in the alley to play (which is rare). These are good boys 12 and 13. The neighbor is worried they will wake his babies in the middle of the afternoon etc. We own our whole lot street to alley, he owns 1/2 lot in the rear. He keeps telling them to go to the park, etc. I have asked him to leave the boys alone and call the parents, left our phone numbers, etc. I am thinking of filing some kind of harassment suit, restraining order, etc. Please advise, these really are good kids.

By gaulardcom on Jan 4, 2007 | Reply

It’s funny you say that…I used to work as a lifeguard at an indoor pool. The job was exeedingly boring, even for the short 4 hour shifts. The only thing we had was a small radio. We kept the volume on something like 1 out of 100. Needless to say, it was very quiet.

Every day, an elderly gentleman would come in to swim. He would walk by me, smile and turn down the radio. He would then proceed to put his swimming cap on, over his ears, and then swim with his head under the water. I would then turn the radio back up and he would never notice.

My point here is that everyone has different sensitivity to sound. Although, this guy was a little extreme.

I have an idea for your case. Go talk to your neighbor. It seems like he is sensitive as well. Go sit with him in his house while the kids are playing in the alley. Maybe he is hearing something from where he is that you can’t hear from you are. He is also worried about his child. He must have heard something at some point, or else he wouldn’t have even known the kids were there. Maybe you are so used to the noise that children make that you can’t even hear it anymore. Quiet to you may be loud to everyone else.

Also, you might want to tell the kids to play in the park where it is ok to yell all day long. (if they are even yelling)

By kathryn on Jan 29, 2007 | Reply

My neighbor’s kids have been throwing things in my yard for approx. six years. They are up-hill so a full bottle of water, a beer bottle,or a metal tipped arrow have quite a force when landing on my patio or roof. I have talked to the mother 4 or 5 times, nothing changes. There is always a few months in between each attack. What to do?

By Gaulardcom on Jan 30, 2007 | Reply

Next time they make a mess, call the parents and have them come down with the kids to clean it up. That will hopefully eventually train these people that they will have to clean up their own mess.

By guia on Feb 26, 2007 | Reply

I am also affected by disrespectful neighbors who leave large bulky items of garbage in the alley behind my house. This alley is the only access I have to my parking garage, and sometimes the garbage completely blocks the passage. I completely f#%ed my car up by accidentally backing over a toilet last year while pulling out of my drive way; It’s totally crazy. But nevertheless, I always opted for being the bigger person and not creating trouble. I had the city of Los Angeles sanitation bureau send me informative fliers for how to properly dispose of trash. These fliers had phone numbers for drop off centers, and even phone numbers for scheduling curbside pickups. I patiently plastered the entire alley with these fliers, written in both Spanish and English. Hoping people would get the hint. NO SUCH LUCK.
Today as I was backing out of my driveway, I actually was lucky/unlucky enough to spot an offender practically emptying the entire contents of his house in the alley. I politely walked up to him and gave him a flier, and attempted to explain how he didn’t need to dump his bulky trash in the alley, but could schedule a pick up FREE OF COST . He thanked me, and said he would call the city sometime this week. And proceeded to dump more garbage. I went into my home, and wondered how long the trash would stay there. I imaged homeless people grabbing mattresses and barricading under my carport. Tomorrow it would rain, and the piles of rags would fester. I imagined myself hauling the trash to the front of my own property, and properly scheduling a city sanitation pickup as they only pick up curbside trash, and even if the offeder did call them, they wouldn’t pick it up in the alley anyway. God!!! this was going to be a night mare. I have had it! I stormed back out into the alley, and rambled some pseudo Spanish about “no more trash. ENOUGH” and demanded they haul it back into their home, and brought it to a city dump or scheduled a proper pick up AS INSTRUCTED ON THE FLIER! I brought out my digital camera, took photos, and said I would report it. I got serous!
Tomorrow we will see what happens. But do I feel good about it. Hell no! I feel terrible, now my neighbors hate me, and you should have seen the confused look on their face when I went crazy on them. I feel terrible I have been crying all day!!! WHAT COULD I DO??? I have been trying the nice approach for 5 years.

By Vanessa on Feb 28, 2007 | Reply

I have a really horrible neigbor who constantly parks his ratty old car in front of my house. It wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t park it there 24 7 for weeks at a time. I have no place else to park but in front of my house because the other neigbors use the other parking spots in front of their houses. This man has a huge driveway as well as 3 cars! He used to keep it parked in his driveway but now its on the street. And the car he uses everyday doesn’t even get parked any further up the driveway! He also cleared the snow by his walk so he could park the thrid on the grass! Also his stupid garage is actually built over the property line onto our property!I am at my wits end with this man and I don’t know what’s left to do. Is it possible to pay to have his car towed if I pay for it? Is it against the law to park on your front lawn? What can I do ?? Help needed!!

By she's a lunatic on Mar 3, 2007 | Reply

Vanessa:

Have it towed. There is not a court in the world that will not agree with you, and you are perfectly within your rights to do this, especially if he has a driveway that he should be using.

Tow him. Let the local police know that you are having the car towed.

If it’s a nasty old car, many cities have ordinances against junky vehicles on the street. Look into that.

I live next door to a real moron. Her weapon is wind chimes. Big, huge, honking wind chimes hung within ten feet of our house.

We tried to talk with her about them, and why they were a problem for us with their constant clankity clank clanking…not once, not twice, not three times, but on FOUR separate occasions. She would never deign to give us an audience, instead having her moron boyfriend (who, incidentally, I have caught on a number of occasions perving in our windows) or two rat-faced sons speak to us instead.

We wrote her a letter, telling her that litigation is in the works if she doesn’t knock this off. She ignored it.

We took her to court, suing for harassment, only to be told that we must sue her in a higher court for Maintaining a Nuisance. That’s where we are today.

I have a disability that makes the sound of the chimes intolerable, FYI.

Now we are gearing up for another lawsuit. What a shame that she is such an inconsiderate moron. She was always very rude to us from the beginning, and has a reputation in our neighborhood for being a lunatic, but we always tried to be good neighbors to her. Always.

I agree with the others…there is only so much that you can be “Zen” about.

By lori on Mar 9, 2007 | Reply

i am so angry with my neighbor she has 3 kids a 12 year old 10 year old and a 3 year old the police have been called alot on this women she uses drugs and she is on housing so basicely its free living just yesterday her 3 year old came in our yard and picked up our rack and scratched our bran new 2007 otima where was the mother ill tell you what im going to do im going to take her to court these kids i feel sorry for them that they have a mother like that
these kids dont even go to school everyday because there mother is dopped up i have had it and im not going to be nice about it no more i have delt with these people for 7 years

By Cheryl on Apr 9, 2007 | Reply

I HAVE 3 CLICKY SETS OF NEIGHBORS.I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF THEM.Ten of them live in a one family dwelling. They are white trash.KIDS screaming 24/7. We can’t sit in any room of our house. She’s been told to take care of her kids. Their in everyone’s yard, but suppose to be her kids. If I wanted to adopt somemore I would have.Then across is the MAYORS house . [77 YR. OLD]She watches us all day from 8 to 11 at her kitchen table staring at “EVERYTHING YOU DO”. They’ve worn out 3 sets of kitchen chairs in 6 yrs. Then their is Miss know it all ,next door. They are trying to get us out of the neighborhood. HARRSSING US.These people should be arrestedf or trying to destroy peoples lifes. We work and mind our own business.not moving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By Deana on Apr 10, 2007 | Reply

I had a neighbor who’s god bit my wife while I was away on business. My wife did not want to make a big deal of it, so she did not call the police, but did go to the doctor and get the bit wound taken care of. Me, when I arrived back home, I went and knocked on his door and stated “I don’t want any trouble with the neighbors, however, you must keep your dog tied up. If I see the dog loose, I will call the Sheriff’s Department. If I see the dog in my yard, I will shoot it because I have two young children and your dog is a menace.”

He said “Okay.”

I said “Have a nice day.”

My “speak softly by carry a large caliber rifle” method of neighborhood diplomacy.

By gaulardcom on Apr 10, 2007 | Reply

I like that story…it sounds strangly familiar. Hmmmm.

By Kevin Collins on Jun 14, 2007 | Reply

My wife and I moved into our home a year and a half ago, we have five teenaged children. Shortly after we moved in I was grilled by one of the neighbors who lives next door. He wanted to know what I did for a living, and how much money I made. He said he likes to keep tabs on who lives next door. He and his wife later found out that three of our children were adopted and the other two were foster kids. From that time till now we have had nothing but trouble from them. They told me we had too many kids, and that foster kids were nothing but trouble. They constantly call the police on my children and blatantly lie in an effort to get us in trouble. Each time the police come out they tell us that we are not commiting any crimes and that dislike it but they have to come. For the last three weeks every time my children go into the backyard to play the neighbors call the police. Officer Humble just left about thirty minutes ago. Wouldn’t you know it he is the nephew to the complaintant. He got a private call and said my kids were making lewd gestures toward the neighbors (his uncle and aunt). I was sitting out there the whole time and the kids never even looked their way. They have an eight foot privacy fence so how could they even see them? The harassment goes on and on. I have tried talking to them, I have even put the police dog I retired with to sleep because she was afraid of German Shepherds. Even though the dog was kept in a kennel and was behind a privacy fence and atleast 100 yards from her house. I have bent over backwards trying to just have a little peace.

All I want is peace, but nothing I do is enough. The code enforcement officer was called out today and he told me we weren’t in violation of anything and that these neighbors were trouble makers. He suggested that we hire an attorney and have the attorney send them a cease and desist letter which we did today.

one of my kids was sitting in our front yard star gazing the other night when the neighbor walked by and asked him what he was doing. when he told he was watching stars she told him that FOSTER KIDS shouldn’t be outside after dark. What does being a foster kid have to do with anything?

We just signed the contract to buy the house three weeks ago and now I am wishing we hadn’t..

What makes it worse is that I am a minister in this town and I am trying to keep the right spirit. But it is hard.

I don’t want revenge I just want peace. It seems the only way to get it is to move. But I hate this constant turmoil.T

Sincerely seeking Peace The Rev.

By Shawwwwwn on Nov 30, 2007 | Reply

Ok well this is my story. First of I am 26 y/o just moved out of my parents place. I am not a big party animal but like to have a few friends over to watch the game. I own my condo, and I expect that I have some rights as does the complaining neighbor.

So far I been living at the condo 2 weeks, never had a party or anyone over. Just go about my business. So yesterday I had friends over (5 of them) to watch the Packers vs Cowboys. We are drinking, talking, and cheering the game on. 10:30PM (thursday) my neighbor comes to my door, looking very annoyed. You guys are very loud I can hear you walking around, your tv is up too loud, and can you be quiet. I apoligize turn down the tv slighty, and go about just hanging with friends. 11:00pm The guy comes back you guys are still loud this is the last time I am coming back. Come on I mean we talk a bit loud and joke around, but you know what I have rights too. I mean eventually I am gonna have my parents over and friends for a house warming, I am not buying a place to tip toe around and not have people over. I am not a d*ck but some people are just anal, and want total silence, and if you want that get a house don’t live in a condo.

By Linda on Jan 9, 2008 | Reply

Boy, are you so very off. I live in an apartment above my troublesome neighbor. She is definitely younger than I am. You want to talk about troublesome… Ok, the night she came and took over the apartment below mine, she yelled a the woman who was moving out. Then commenced to yell at me upstairs. She hasn’t quit, even when the owner told her to stop and leave.

She demands I clean so she can yell and scream, telling me I am doing it wrong, I am her slave and have to do it her way, including childish and cruel names. She also demands I move because I won’t do what she wants. She has also tried to have me arrested on false charges of thievery and being a pedofile.

She also demands my personal property and thinks she can tell me what I can and can’t keep, eat, wear…etc. As though she really believes she can run my life for me.

The cops have been called on her and admittedly me for our yelling back and forth. Yes, I have read her the riot act a few times, reminding her that she is the one who has to shut up, clean up her act and go home to her parents since she wants to act like a 2 year old instead of a responsible adult.

What really gets me is that the owner won’t throw her out, unless, that is, he evicts me first for HER brat bitch behavior. I am at my wits end, but I refuse to give her the power over me that will encourage her to keep this up. I will NOT move, I will NOT clean and I will NOT do anything she tells me to do.

Now, will someone please come with the straight jacket and butterfly net to remove her from my life so she can get the medical and medicinal help she needs to see reality and do the right thing by going home to her parents?

By anders on Feb 17, 2008 | Reply

your advice in this article doesn’t cut it. sometimes you make no noise yourself, are respectful, and all you get back from your neighbors is rude noise, attitude, and strife.

By martinicat on Mar 19, 2008 | Reply

I can understand about the festering thing. However, we live in a planned community where just about everyone is a great neighbor. Except for…well, let’s just call them, the McDoes. This old couple, who my husband and I were friendly with initially - we gave them tomatoes from our garden and dog pee pads when our dog got house trained, etc, etc - then, they turned. We are friendly with everyone and don’t get involved in neighborhood politics. The McDoes noticed we were friendly with some people who are suing them (the McDoes and for good reason). Now, they have started some sort of sick, twisted routine of intimidation. Anyone who disagrees with them or does anything (I’m talking trivial stuff, like doesn’t clip their grass 1/4 of an inch within the limit they think it needs to be clipped - I’m not exaggerating) they don’t like, the McDoes call the police and say that the person is harassing them (the McDoes).
I understand about wanting your neighbors to call the fire department for you. In fact, many of us in the neighborhood have an emergency smore making kit. If the McDoes house ever did catch fire, we would roast marshmallows, make smores and sing kumbaya.

By John on Apr 6, 2008 | Reply

Some neighbors cannot be ignored. There are laws against harassment. For example, hanging wind chimes next to your bedroom. I advocate taking these people to court.

By Wallace Sowell on Apr 21, 2008 | Reply

Do home owners have any rights? I know they say we do. But listen to all these horror stories about bad neighbors, which I also have.

What laws are there that protect homeowners?

What laws are there that will hold landlords accountable for their tenants?

By cowles on Sep 9, 2008 | Reply

Recently someone bought the house next to me. Both of our properties border a large creek that has a seasonal salmon run. It is very pretty, but because of the creek’s location we are limited as to what we can do on our land. Right after buying the property next door the neighbor illegally logged off all of the timber including two trees that were not even on his land. Soon after he diverted water that ran down his driveway during a heavy rain storm and flooded out my garage. He did get into trouble with the state and local authorities for the logging. Now he is selling the home. It has truly been digusting to have to live next to this. I have found that some people just don’t care about obeying the law or the rights of the people around them.The best of luck to any of you who have bad neighbors.

By allison klusmann on Sep 25, 2008 | Reply

I think I just need to vent, and welcome any advice because I am about to lose it.

My neighbors do not take care of their yard. They let the weeds grow as tall as the house, their “tomato” garden that backs up to my yard rot and overgrow with weeds which is now causing moss, fungus and my grass to die. Not to mention all the unpleasant bugs it brings. They have installed retaining walls and pebble grounds, which also back up to my yard (divided by a picket fence) and pavers underneath their airconditioning unit (therefore there is no ground underneath the drip to absorb the water, which then rolls off into my yard causing more moss and flooding). They do not trim their trees, edge around the inside or outside of their fence, blow or sweep up the clippings in the sidewalk after the rare mow or two, called me in the middle of knowing i was throwing a baby shower multiple times, repeatedly, until i answered to tell me to have my guests that are parked in front of their house to move their cars b/c he “might be expecting a package” and he “might want to morter in the stones around his trees” even though it was POURING DOWN RAIN, and the fact that he called the cops on another neighbor b/c the charter bus that was loading the guests was temporarily parked in front of their house. There are other issues, but I do not have the energy to type them all. I am frustrated, and don’t know what to do other than to politely ask them each time for help. Well, I did that yesterday over email b/c the actual homeowner works out of town Mon-Thursday and his boyfriend who is not a homeowner doesn’t work in the yard. After reading my polite email, they got defensive, starting name calling and being immature. I sent several emails back explaining that my email must have been misinterpreted and actually apologizing for nothing, but tyring to avoid confilict, but they kept up with the name calling and immature behavior. Here’s a clip for your viewing pleasure: “Wow, I have tryed to be neighborly about this but clearly you can not behave like an adult, best of luck with Jim and Mr. Love. For the record it has been your combative nature that has elevated this absolutly ridiculous issue into bad feelings. I refuse to lower myself to the petty, childish, hatefull behavior you have exhibited. I not only don’t have the time, or energy, and in fact to much respect for myself to do so.” This was after numerous emails of him avoiding the issue and picking fights. All I asked was them to help, and once they got out of hand, I told them that I was going to pass along the issue to the neighborhood management company. This was his response to that. I have been worrying and worrying over the fact that I may have come off the wrong way b/c you can’t read tone in an email, but nobody else (including the management company) thinks that’s the case. So, I’m left wondering if they are going to poison my dog or something. I wish these childish boys would grow up and accept the responsibilities of homeownership.

By toniya on Oct 14, 2008 | Reply

One blogger stated it perfectly. You can try to live with people peacfully but they refuse.
You are quiet and polite and make no noise. They return the kindness with nastiness and whatever other evil that comes out of them.